Gray-ish Souls
characters based off the popular Video Game series, “Dark Souls”
Disclaimer If you’re normal, please stop here and return to main menu. If you’re a nerd, please proceed.
Disclaimer P.S. Faithful the series, the following images may be traumatizing.
What is this? Because I have the artistic grace of a Roomba, MidJourney (aka AI, aka “hAvE yOu hEaRd oF iT yEt?) became my default generator for character creation. I always thought it would be cool to work on a video game, so here are mildly horrifying images of Souls-Like characters with their About Me and instructions for death.
Yudoks
Like children, every Souls game has nagging leeches that drain your health. Yudoks are those little bastards.
It would be unwise to stroll through a marshland without leveling or equipping a big ole hammer. These bloodsuckers latch onto your character and the only way to rid yourself of them is to roll. For your entertainment, Yudoks move in hordes, and if too many leap on you, you can’t roll. Death comes for us all, I suppose.
How to kill: Act swiftly and bludgeon until you hear a splat.
Kriks
It wouldn’t be a Souls-like game without a cave to waltz to your death. Within them, you’ll find these hideous, giant grasshoppers. Or maybe they’ll find you.
Kriks are totally blind and they’re fully reliant on their hearing and sense of vibration. Sprint too fast or wear too much clanging armor and those cave echoes become nothing but the sweet sound of a dinner bell. Nutritionally, their diet is purely your naivety.
How to kill: Piercing weapon or a bow because look at those scales. Alternatively, level your sprint and stamina to an ungodly level.
Wilhelm The WOrdless
Here we have our first non-hostile NPC. He’d love to welcome you to this new hell, but Wilhelm’s a mute. Classic.
Falk, his bird companion, gives you all the background of what happened and why you’re here. Wilhelm is more of a pointer who holds a luminous globe that’s symbolic of the world you’re playing in. Occasionally, he pops up and signals where you can die next.
How to kill: You can’t. He just points and then fades away.
Veinlings
There’s always the tutorial enemies. They’re low-level, weak, and pitiful.
Insert Veinlings. They’re venous little goblins who look like they just realized they left the stove on. Their purpose is to give you a false sense of security that you’ll conquer other enemies in this game.
How to kill: Just mash buttons. The tutorial rarely helps.
Longhu
This is a rage quit boss and the most searched result for the game.
“How to beat Longhu”
“Why won’t Longhu die?”
“Longhu gave me carpal tunnel now wut?”
Many controllers and walls will be injured during this repeated trial and error. Longhu’s a three-headed Bengal tiger-dragon-thing with the body of a serpent and she’s hella pissed you interrupted her nap.
How to kill: Step one: pray. Step two: pray harder. Step three: find a new game.
Nøkkgrin
It’s giving that clown episode from Are You Afraid of the Dark that robbed a generation of kids happiness.
Nøkkgrin are creepy jesters and nothing about them is funny. They serve to torment and stalk you within castles. Their laugh echoes down stony hallways and they have a proclivity for jump scares.
How to kill: No one knows. A big something is a good start.
Scarabs
Even in a Souls game, we all need reprieve. Maybe you’re low on health and could use some juice? That’s why we have Scarabs.
These little buggers exist throughout the grassy and desert regions. Consider them like little rewards for all your suffering. But as expected, nothing comes free. They’re quite agile and you will feel really stupid trying to chase them. Ah, bittersweet continuity.
How to kill: One bonk will do.
Luceliana
This is one of the archetypes for the game. This one runs slightly faster than the others.
Given all the grim and despair, I settled on a name that would lighten up the mood. Luceliana is a portmanteau. Luce meaning “light” in Italian and Eliana meaning “God hath answered.”
Skills: Deadly accurate bow and quick feet.